Posted by: Mark Nielsen | August 9, 2018

Ca$H Me Outside, Too (original “diss rap” response to Bhad Bhabie’s bad hip hop)

The original Cash Me Outside girl’s short video clip from the Dr. Phil Show:

Aaaaand… Danielle/Bhad Babie’s August 2017 first rap music video ( “These Heaux”  ) :

And finally, my response song, in classic battle rapping tradition, mostly composed 8-8-18, but amended later in August 2018 in honor of  the late Aretha Franklin
— a weird dreamlike freestyle, onstage up in my head,
when my damn dog woke me at 3am and I couldn’t get back to sleep…

                                                                                …

Cash Me Outside, Too (Famous Amos’ Son)

 

Cash me outside y’all, howbow dah?

I’ll take you all on.

Yeah, I’m crazy fast.

I’m fast ‘n’ furious,

And if you’re curious,

When we do battle

I’ll be victorious.

‘Cause I’m famous,

for more than just being famous,

for more than being dumb,

I’m Famous Amos, son.

Sucking on a Jameson

popsicle, and I’m dropsical,

now don’t be skeptical,

because I’m topical.

I’m smarter than you,

because I’m tropical.

 

Somebody said her name was Danielle.

Dissin’ the audience on Dr. Phil.

Then Bhad Bhabie went off the rails,

and most decent people be laughin’ still.

Then that ‘h’ in her rap name, a source of ridicule,

and then, oh God, she got a RECORD deal?!

Danielle got the last laugh.

I feel a fool, fer real.

If you’re still here next year,

I’ll drink Drano, I swear, girl.

 

(Sung chorus?)

You are a lame-ass poser,

(coffee’s only for closers.)

So grow up, girl.

Don’t play me like a loser

with your record hype, or some talk show shit.

You should make it on your talent

or else you shouldn’t make it.

Me: I cannot fake it.

If there’s money to be made in rhymin’,

I guarantee Imma make it.

 

You hear me preachin?

Catch what I’m teachin’?

You talk bad music, chica,

And I ain’t even reachin’:

Teens on TV,

Acting all seedy,

needy, and greedy,

shakin’ yo big ol’ booty too freely.

Get off my lawn bitch,

‘Cause I’m the OG.

Original gangster,

the old Italian kind, see?

Or Irish, or Jewish:

Luigi Finkelstein,

or Paddy Manischewitz.

Y’all best give me credit,

I make my cash on crime,

Plus I’ve done the time,

But I won’t have street cred

Until you wake up dead,

With a horse’s head

in your bed.

 

What’s a gangster gotta do

To keep his family fed?!

On caviar, while watching “Avatar”,…

Hell, I even put a swimming pool

inside my car!

We goin’ to war.

I’m a real gang star

cuz I don’t play no weak beats like Bruno Mars.

Homie can play guitar,

and maybe sing some bars,

but don’t touch that drum machine, man-child.

You gone too far.

You sing okay but you can’t rap,

and you can’t cash me, how ‘bout dat?

 

Chorus (repeat)

 

Bridge:

Just come to me, Danielle

I’ll be your hip-hop guide.

I’ll give you rhymes so phat

dat you’ll be terrified.

You’ll say “Where my mama at,

So she can hold my hand

So she can hold my gat,

Protect me from them mans

Tellin’ me I can’t rap.

 

Bhabie, lemme tell you

’bout the real singers,

Melody-bringers,

silky-toned talents,

not puffy gunslingers.

Talk to Missy Elliott, Queen Latifah,

Aretha, Aretha, always Aretha!

Or Dr. Dre, Lecrae, but not Bieber.

Explore The Roots.

Learn to play an instrument,

and music theory, ‘cause it’s a sacrament.

Me, I like women giving chase to the greats,

like Neko Case,

alt-country-girl, hail and full of grace,

And Mary J. Blige,

Black Madonna Full of Bass,

No virgin, Mary, but she’s still great,

Famous with good reason:

Got a voice that’s pleasin’,

more talent in her pinkie

than a whole damned season

of American Idol

or your talk show bullshit.

You call your stuff music? Hell no!

Where’s my bull whip?

It ain’t my circus,

But I’ll train you young lions to be hip.

 

And you’ll hunt, child

but you won’t catch me outside.

I’m an indoor lion. I got my pride.

I’m a silly monkey too,

And I like “Whip It!”

Or “Satisfaction”,

hell woman, you pick it:

Sing me an old song

by Mr. Wilson Pickett,

or Mr. Otis Redding,

or Eddie Van Halen–

love to hear him shredding

on “Eruption”,

he got his Hall of Fame induction.

Any one of those cats

Ought to be your teacher.

Sure you’re fly, bhabie

Nice to meetcha,

but can you even smile?!

What’s your your best feature?

You wanna marry me, Bhabie?

Get the preacher.

But you won’t cash me outside, heaux.

How ‘bout dah? Did I reach ya?

Chorus repeat 2x

— —

Possible beats or song excerpts to bite:

  • ** “Family Affair”, MJ Blige and Dr. Dre (biting Sister Sledge?), circa 2001, and/or “no more drama” (LP or single?)
  • “Land of a Thousand Dances”
  • “Respect” by Wilson Pickett or Aretha,
  • “Dock of the Bay” (Redding)

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