Posted by: Mark Nielsen | July 9, 2010

FIFA World Cup – Finally! (an end to the vuvuzela nightmare)

Uruguay v. Germany (for 3rd place): Sat. July 1oth

Spain v. Netherlands: Sun. July 11, 8:30pm CST (I think)

Go You Nederlanders! (Big Orange 4 Ever!)

————

Back by popular demand:

Mark’s five reasons why the U.S. will *never* buy into FIFA Football:

1) Ties!

Opening game of 2010 World Cup – S. Africa v. Mexico: 1-1 tie,

Same day – France v. Uruguay (an eventual semi-finalist): 0-0 tie,

Next day – England v. USA : 1-1 … a TIE!

All in big games! United States sports fans will NOT stand for a tie. In anything. (For better or for worse.)

2) It’s passe’ .

Soccer has supposedly been “up-and-coming” for almost fifty years here. Yet it still has not arrived, so we’ve finally decided not to buy into this particular line of b.s. anymore.

3) Pele, Ronaldhino, Ronaldo, and any other single-named Brazilian who makes us feel threatened.

Hey Brazil: We just gave you the Olympics. Plus we love Carnivale! Just don’t expect us to love anything we can’t eventually dominate.

4) Horns!

Those annoying  fans and their incessant blowing of high-pitched vuvu-whateva horns thru the whole game… I had to turn off the tv sound several times the past few weeks, just to keep from feeling like I was living in a wind-tunnel with a demented marching band playing John Cage’s one-note symphony.

5) Hooligans!

Americans prefer their violence to occur with pads on (OUR football), and to be performed by either professionals, criminals, or Sylvester Stallone. If anything, we at least want to confine it to a ring (boxing, mixed martial-arts, roller derby…). It’s just easier to say no to hooliganism than it is to “say no to drugs” and the violence that goes hand-in-hand with them.

Psst. “Say no to the World Cup!!!”

Pass it on — but quietly, so the others will think we still care…


Responses

  1. every party needs a pooper…… ;-]


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