Company Name : MARKING TIME
Address 1 Every St.
Address 2 Anytown, SH , 34567
Address 3 U.S.of Frickin’ A!
Phone Number 847-609-3959
Fax Number yeah, right…
Web Address: see above
Email email@example.comFAX TRANSMITTAL FORM
From: The Minor Prophet
Date Sent: Yesterday (when all my troubles seemed so far away)
CC: Yo Mama!
Phone: Got cell?
Number of Pages: ad infinitum
Fax: Oh, pleeeease!
Working from an ancient MS Works fax template today. Dunno why. Maybe cuz I’m on my Mom’s old, crappy Compaq computer instead of our nice 2006 Gateway (having been kicked off of it by The Boy). This slow, buggy piece of crap is barely adequate as an emergency backup computer, and does not have MS Word on it, so Works will have to do.I figured something out today, though. It’s an equation :Age (I.E. MEMORY LOSS) x Myers-Briggs Intuitiveness score – (No. of children + no. of domestic responsibilities) = Number of hand- scrawled Post-It sized slips of paper you have in your life (in pockets, on desks, dressers, in books, in the car) reminding you of things you need to do, say, buy, pick up, drop off, send, or find (possibly on another Post-It) ).
The math looks like this; A x M-B[ I ] – (c + DR) = P.I.S.
I call this sum one’s Post-It Score. I will have to finish counting my slips of paper later. But the pile pictured above, from the highly Post-It- concentrated desk in our office, contains 24 pieces of paper. Add to that the slips on the kitchen counter, my dresser, my desk at work, my car, 2-3 pants pockets and all the inside pockets of every coat I have worn the past ten years, and I would guess my Post-It score goes up to about 92. That’s a whole lot of mental detritus (yeah, I said detritus… look it up).
The notes and lists on half of them are so out of date, they’re basically trash waiting patiently to be tossed. Nevertheless, in my compulsion to keep track of all the random firings of my crazy, mixed up neurons, I keep most of them around far too long, even if only one thing left on the little list is still pending.
By the way: note the capitalization of the P and I in Post-It. That’s because it’s a trademarked name, owned by 3M, the makers of various types of adhesive and recording tape, pot-scrubbing and wall-sanding pads, and about 500 other interesting applications of modern chemistry, all of which add thousands of pounds to U.S. landfills every year.
I can hear some of you out there laughing hysterically by now. If so, go immediately and tally up your own Post-It Scores. THEN COME BACK HERE AND LEAVE 4 ME A COMMENT FESSING UP TO WHAT YOUR SCORE IS. No cheating, either. Look in all those coat pockets, nooks and crannies of desk drawers, cute little wooden boxes, and so forth.
Go now. G‘wan. DO IT!!! Thank you.
I’ll check the comments below for final scores and winners on Texas/Ohio/Rhode Island/Vermont Primary Day, March 4th. (Rhode Island has superdelegates? Who knew? That’s like my extended family having 3-4 superdelegates. And as for Vermont, are they letting cows vote now? )
And may the best moron win, because you really need help. I know I do…
Sister Mary Elephant
( “SHADDUP!!! Thank you.” )