Posted by: Mark Nielsen | November 23, 2007

Some Good Ol’ Hatin’ in Honor of Thanksgiving

Yeah, I know we’re supposed to be all thankful today and everything, and trust me, I really am. But putting all the usual corny things down in print would just be too cliche and preachy for me right now. So without further ado, let the hating begin:

1) A friend from work who has a weekend job at Old Navy says they went through some training to change the traditional term for “Black Friday” (tomorrow, the first day that many retailers go into “the black”, accounting-wise, on their annual books). Apparently someone said it’s racist. Ridiculous. I can’t remember what they’re changing it to– maybe Green Friday– but how far do the Political Correctness Police have to go before we cry “Police Brutality!”?! For the the record: A black colleague of mine who was in the room when we heard this also called it riduculous… especially because it’s an association of the color black with something positive, for once.

2) Have you noticed how many desperate retailers are going clinically insane with the sales they’re putting together? Some are starting Thanksgiving at midnight (Value City), many are starting at 4am on Friday, and just about all of the crazy special promtions reek of too many ambitious mid-level marketing executives who think too much is never enough. I’d hate to be a clerk working for one of these companies. Do they get any tips or bonuses for going the extra mile, or are they just expected to follow along if they want to keep their jobs?

3) I was watching the New York parade today, and one of the lowlights was Wynnona Judd on the ice-skating-Care-Bears float, lip-synching her way through I’ll Be Home for Christmas. Ugh! Get me out of this scary country! I’m moving to Saskatchewan.

4) After the parade, watched the National Dog Show. John O’Hurley (J. Peterman), who’s been doing televised dog shows for years, has always known how to walk that line between amusing and annoyingly cutesy. But maybe his stint on Dancing With the Stars, which finally got him some name recognition, pushed him over the edge… ’cause I found him so annoying today I almost ripped my ears off my head. I want my Fred Willard!

5) Seeking some relief, we switched over from the dog show to the football game — just in time for the equally hacky halftime show featuring the Goo Goo Dolls. Johnny Reznick — another underwhelming talent, another beneficiary of extra face time as a judge on that show American Band — belted his way through Better Days, his band’s optimistic power ballad. Our friend Karen, visiting from Michigan, had not heard of the Goo Goo Dolls, and I told her she shouldn’t feel bad about that. Then he started singing, and she said, “He sounds like Neil Diamond.” I listened a moment and then said, “Wow, he really does!” The gravelly deep voice, the faux emotional delivery… Oh my God, Johnny Reznick is the Neil Diamond of Generation X. Who knew! (I’ll take the real Neil, thank you very much.)

My family just arrived for dinner. We’ll be having the traditional heavy pasta with ricotta cheese first, then maybe I’ll save room for a slice of white meat and some scrapple-style stuffing.

Enjoy your turkey, friends. (Thanks be to God…)


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