Marking Time

“He wanted it, but I needed  it.”

So said American Joey Chestnut today, as he narrowly defeated perennial competitive hot dog eating champion Takeru Kobayashi in the Nathan’s world championship on Coney Island. At the end of the ten minutes (a time reduced from the former twelve minute period, to increase the pace) the two were tied at 59 hot dogs each –  ten more dogs than any of the other competitors. Then the regulation tie was resolved in a 5-dog “dog off”, a shootout where speed mattered more than ever. Chestnut finished his fifth dog not long after Kobayashi, who “stumbled” early, had just started his.

Chestnut, a Californian, kept the victory in perspective in the postgame interview. He put a nice patriotic spin on his response to “Why do you do this?”, responding humbly “I love to eat. I love the competition. We’re just having some silly fun, which is in the spirit of Fourth of July.” Chestnut was the defending Nathan’s champ, but last year Kobayashi reportedly had a jaw injury. Thus the statement above about “needing it”. Chestnut had to beat a healthy Kobayashi to secure his legitimacy as a champion.

Meanwhile, the commentators went on about Kobayashi having to win to maintain the image of “his brand”. What human being is, in himself, a brand? Is this what we’ve come to?

The competition itself was as weird, funny, and intense as one would guess… reportedly the best competition ever in the 80-plus years of the contest. And the first commercial after the crowning of a winner was from the main sponsor, Heinz Ketchup.

Ketchup?! On a hotdog?! That’s un-American right there. Or at least goes against the traditional hot dog rules here in Chicago, where we take our hot dogs VERY seriously. (Condiments allowed: yellow mustard, sweet relish, tomato wedges, celery salt, onions and hot peppers optional… any questions?!) Get away from me with that sauerkraut. Put the chili in a bowl. Save the ketchup for your burger. This here’s a Chacaago dog!

Maybe it’s a political thing, and Senator Kerry’s ketchup-mogul wife Teresa Heinz Kerry is the perpetrator. They’re swift-boating their condiment competition. You think it’s an accident that the leading yellow mustard on the market is called French’s? What’s next, Freedom Dogs?

Don’t let them do it, Joey. You’re America’s best hope to stay on top in the world. Not only did you need it… we needed it, too. And we’re right proud of ya.

“He’s a great route runner,” said Greg Gabriel, the Bears’ director of college scouting. “He’s got excellent hands and he’s very good after the catch. On top of that, his character is impeccable.” 

The above was said of Bears’ third-round draft pick Earl Bennett, Vanderbilt wide receiver and the all-time SEC receptions leader –no small thing in a conference that produced the likes of the Packers’ Don Hutson (Alabama) in the 1930s and Sterling Sharpe (So Carolina) in the 1980s. 

But let’s look at the translation of the Bears’ statement: Bennett is not a burner. Like Mr. Gabriel says, he’s a “hands” guy, another route-runner who can work within the short-passing snoozefest that is Chicago Bear football. To put that SEC record in context: being a receptions leader is not the same as being a yardage leader. It just means you were in a system that did a lot of short passing, you were reliable, and you had quarterbacks for four years who knew what they were doing.

Still, it’s better than late-drafting another Mark Bradley or other such hopeful that turns out to be a bust. Bennett being taken early is a sign that the Bears know where they are weakest, and they’re looking to shore up in key areas. They did it with their first-rounder with Williams, an offensive tackle who looks to be a genuine stud (and was a teammate of Bennett’s… good to have a pair of high draftees coming in together, helping each other out early on). They even did it with their second-rounder, Matt Forte, a Tulane running back I know very little about. But what I do know is that their offenisve problems –running and passing– needed to be looked into.

And finally, they didn’t  take a stupid risk on a quarterback, in a class of QBs that was not sexy in the least. No new Rex Grossman (or Cade McNown… God forbid…). They’ll meet that need some other way, and I’m glad. They played it smart and safe, I think. I would have liked to see one of those other offensive linemen chosen higher  than they were, as Bear QBs are not known for their mobility or durability. But overall, this draft class looks promising. Not brilliant, but promising.

Below is the full list of the Bears’ picks, FYI.

And as for the receivers they still need, besides draftee Earl Bennett, I have just one thing to say:

Ocho Cinco!

Yes, I think Chad Johnson –on his way out of the Bengals situation– has the potential to be a colorful and talented Bears’ star, at least as popular and effective as Willie Gault or Fridge Perry (from their one and only Super Bowl team). Yeah, Chad’s a handful, P.R.-wise. But he hasn’t gotten in trouble with the law, just with the league, for his crazy on-field antics. Same was true of Jim McMahon, the Punky QB. As for Chad’s coachability and locker-room behavior, Randy Moss proved last year that even the brattiest of superstars can change his ways when he gets on the right team. And finally, consider a receiver corps that includes both the tall, fast Johnson and the ridiculously fast and shifty Devin Hester (who will have to learn the rest of his new receiver duties without  Moose Muhammad’s help this year, and could use a veteran to help him out, especially as a second threat or decoy, something Hester has not had thus far).

The one problem: the Bears are unlikely to spend the money on a guy like Chad Johnson. They seldom have in the past, anyway. But maybe the taste of victory in GM Jerry Angelo’s mouth two years ago, followed by the shame and disgrace of 2007, will lead them to change tactics and pick up more big-ticket free agents. So start a letter-writing campaign, people. Or just a chant: “We want Chad! We want Chad!”

Bears full 2008 draft class:

Round    
          Overall Draft Number     Name        Position    College 

 14 Chris Williams OT Vanderbilt

 44 Matt Forte RB Tulane

 70 Earl Bennett WR Vanderbilt

 90 Marcus Harrison DT Arkansas

 120 Craig Steltz S Louisiana State

142 Zack Bowman CB Nebraska

 158 Kellen Davis TE Michigan State

 208 Ervin Baldwin DE Michigan State

 222 Chester Adams OT Georgia

 243 Joey LaRocque ILB Oregon State

 247 Kirk Barton OT Ohio State

 248 Marcus Monk WR  

As promised, some numbers that reveal the best and worst of American culture and politics this week:

In honor of Earth Day :

1.5 million tons of plastic bottles were disposed of in America in 2005. That number has only gone up, and still only a third of those bottles are recycled. Water bottles in particular are an unnecessary burden to the earth… in other words, get a cup and drink from the tap whenever you can. Many bottled brands now come from a tap somewhere else, anyway. (Source: The Chicago Reader)

$306 billion: the amount it will now cost to clean up the U.S. military’s nuclear waste. It will take until at least the year 2062 to complete. (Source: Harry Shearer’s Le Show)

Consumer food prices are expected to rise 3.0% to 4.0% this year [in the U.S.] after a 4% gain in 2007, said USDA Chief Economist Joseph Glauber.

40% : Rise in the price of grain over the past year. Average loaf of bread went up about 30 cents this week, therefore. And if you think it’s bad here, try shopping in an occupied territory. [" A box of milk for 65 Shekels... thats about $21.50 ." - this price quote comes from Palestine...]  The best plan of attack for grocery shopping in the U.S. is to 1) buy locally, through community sources like farmer’s markets, or 2) to only buy what’s on sale at the regular stores, and buy it in bulk. Then use it up over the month, and wait for it to come back on sale again.

Dinner out for two adults & one kid at Outback Steakhouse, with one appetizer and one side dish. No drinks. No tip. (Curbside pickup.) : $50.48 . (And the guilt over paying that much for one meal left a very bitter aftertaste.)

$3.51: Average regular gasoline price this week in the U.S., according to AAA Motor Club. Up 25 cents from last month. (I saw a $3.99 in Chicago yesterday.)

Other numbers (some thrilling, though most of them frustrating):

Iraq body counts:  (Source: Antiwar.org and JustForeignPolicy.org)

Iraqi deaths: 1,199,782

(This does not include 29,000+ non-fatal injuries on the U.S. military side, nor the lower but still ridiculous 494 deaths in Afghanistan, which along with Pakistan is getting worse instead of better as we focus on Iraq.)

Chicago streets, body count – April 19-20, 2008: 32 shootings, 6 of which resulted in homicides. In one case, an AK-47 was used. They’re even picking this AP story up way out in Oregon.

Regarding the primary in Pennsylvania: Figures released in March by the state show Pennsylvania Democrats have added more than 65,000 voters since last fall — almost 2 percent of the party’s total statewide registration of 3.8 million . (Most folks believe that this is due to independents and Obamicans registering as Democrats… though a few people have warned us about Rush Limbaugh’s suggestion that Republicans should change affiliations temporarily and put Hillary over the top, just to screw up the Dems’ numbers.) [Source: Real Clear Politics]

13-6, 11-7,  14-7 : The major league baseball records of the Cubs, White Sox, and Red Sox, respectively. All are in first place as of this writing. (Is this baseball heaven?)

In honor of TV Tune-Out Week this week:

March 24-30th tv ratings: American Idol: 24.7 million on Tuesday 3/24 (20.1 on Thursday) . WWE RAW : 4.9 million, making it #4 on cable, behind Sponge Bob, a Lifetime movie, and Rock of Love.

Meanwhile, Frontline’s excellent documentary “Bush’s War” (running March 24 and 25 in two parts) pulled around a 4 million Nielsen rating (big for PBS in general, but probably tiny compared to the lame but heavily-promoted expose`  style programs done by the networks, such as Primetime Live). Online, on the other hand, after the PBS broadcast, Bush’s War gathered another 1.5 million hits at the PBS/Frontline website, ten times what most of their other shows usually get. Apparently people have not entirely bought this whole “the surge is working” propaganda frenzy.

Marking Time Meta (also known as shameless self-promotion) :

On the WordPress side of this blog, I have now written 173 posts, fitting into 47 categories, using 156 different tags. The MySpace side (same content usually) is older, with more total hits still, but it gets fewer hits each day, probably because the search engines don’t like MySpace as much.

And as for my own Nielsen ratings, here are my WordPress blog stats as of this writing:

Total Views: 14,480

Best Day Ever: 176 — Thursday, March 13, 2008

Views today: 69

FYI - that top viewing day last month was when I ran a link to the MySpace Music page of former New York governor Elliot Spitzer’s famous hooker, Alexandra Whatchamablowjob. Proof positive that in the online universe, sex still sells better than anything else. After that, death sells pretty well, too — as in the death of Charlton Heston ( if the large number of hits I’m getting this week for my Planet of the Dopes column is any indication).

Sex, Death and God. The three things we’re not supposed to talk about in polite company…

…but for me, almost the only things worth talking about at all…

Earthen Vessels

By Mark Nielsen, Feb. 2006

We are made of the same stuff,

You and I:

Earth

(Noble and simple, elemental even)

And Water,

Living Water,

(Not pure, but teeming with life,

The Life that swam around

When Time was an infant –

Felt but not seen ).

Call me Mud Boy. 

The only difference between us

Is that I was molded into a pitcher,

While you are an exceptionally beautiful vase.

I was made for humbler purposes:

To hold water

Or spirits–

To be filled and emptied

At the Potter’s will.

I do not have a lovely design;

Nothing that says “Look at me!”

What matters is what’s in me,

What I can pour out

For you,

And the ones I love.

You, on the other hand,

Were made to shine.

(Though I cannot name you,

For I did not make you.)

A beacon of beauty,

Colorful, balanced,

Reflecting the Potter’s finest craftsmanship

In an often ugly world.

Even without a bouquet of flowers

For you to nurture,

Still you remind us all

Of the joy of creation,

And the glory of Creation.

But let us not forget

That you were once mud,

Like me.

We each have grace and beauty

That is our own,

Our gift.

We were both baked

In the same fire;

Both hardened,

In the oven of severe mercy,

Then checked for cracks,

Lovingly fixed,

Marked with the Master’s thumbprint

And given away

(Never meant to be bought

Or sold).

May we always serve the purpose

For which we were created;

May that always be enough,

And may we never forget:

We are all made of the same stuff.

Inspired by several friends with disabilities, and yet also with tremendous gifts. Poem given as a gift to religious leader & disabilities advocate Jean Vanier, founder of  L’Arche . Vanier is currently working and residing in France, though L’Arche communities exist throughout the world, including one that I support here in Chicago.

Kosuke Fukodome, new Chicago Cub right fielder

A few random, Foolish observations about Monday, the REAL Opening Day for America’s favorite pastime (not those flagrantly hollow marketing ploys from last week in Japan, or Sunday night in our nation’s capital).

Highlight of the day: The Daily Show’s coverage of President Bush throwing out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals’ new ballpark (no, Dubya, we don’t like you again just because you came out to throw a baseball). After the game’s baseball broadcaster says something about how no other past president has thrown a better first pitch, TDS cuts back to Jon Stewart, who says “Yeah, I think that’s the way we should judge the quality of ALL our presidents!” or something similar. Then he riffed on it a bit, doing mock broadcasts of George Washington’s weak “pussy” throw, and how Lincoln threw like a girl.

Lowlight of the day: The umpiring crew in Cleveland literally stealing a baseball game away from the White Sox, with a horrible interference call on a slide into second base. On the prior play, a questionable call at home plate also – though I have to admit I think the catcher’s tag grazed Sox Joe Crede’s right sleeve and Joe just didn’t feel it. But the double-play: no question it was a crap call, a case of the umps being as rusty as the players.

Runner up for highlight of the day: new Cub phenom Kosuke Fukodome (what an unfortunate name…) punches a dramatic game-tying three-run homer to center field in the ninth inning, off post-steroidal dung heap Eric Gagne. Wasn’t the Milwaukee GM watching any tape of Gagne on the Red Sox last year? Fukodome got on base every time he went up there, I think. Move over, Ichiro Suzuki. There’s a new Japanese sheriff in town.

Further proof that Minnesotans are great people: Speaking of sherrifs, as if Frances McDormand’s coolheaded, pregnant police chief in Fargo wasn’t enough evidence, yesterday the Metrodome crowd at the Twins/Angels game gave Torii Hunter not one but two standing ovations, on his return to the city where he made his MLB mark. Hunter signed with Anaheim in the offseason (and no, I will not call them the “Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim”– that’s just idiotic marketing-speak). Unlike crowds in more jaded cities like New York, Boston, Philly, and yes, probably Chicago, the Twins faithful cheered their still-considered-hometown boy like grownups, instead of booing him like petulant children for his decision to move on.

[Minnesotans are so nice. Dumb enough to elect a pro wrestler as governor, but nice nevertheless... Here's hoping those progressive, flannel-clad, goodhearted Minnesotans who gave us Prince and Hubert Humphrey can make up for that Jesse “The Body” Ventura  mistake by electing a man with a good head on his shoulders: current senatorial candidate Al Franken (creator of the Stuart Smalley/”GoshDarnIt, People Like Me” character on the old SNL). He’s the most serious funnyman in the history of politics, and the kind of new breed of politician we need for a new generation of more savvy citizens. Plus, it’s a big bonus that he’d be unseating a boneheaded incumbent Republican who’s done squat for his state so far.